Shadow the Richhog: Richest Thing Alive
by Afrohawk
Summary: Shadow the Richhog is the richest thing alive. He's got high-tech gizmos, all the greatest things money can buy, and more money than God and Jesus combined. But how did he become the ultimate Richhog? Crime? Magic? Hard work and determination? Find out in Shadow the Richhog! Rated T for the occasional swears and sex puns.
1. Prologue - Richest

Greetings readers! Are you ready for more Shadow the Hedgehog fanfiction!? Of course you are, why else would you be reading this?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any Sonic the Hedgehog characters.

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**Prologue – Shadow the Hedgehog: The Richest Thing Alive**

Our story begins thousands of feet in the air on a private jet close to the mysterious Angel Island. Shadow the Hedgehog, the ultimate life form and richest thing alive, sits in the plane, piloting his aircraft with the utmost precious and finesse. Where is this jet going? Why, straight at the Master Emerald of course! Standing at the altar is Knuckles the Echidna, guardian of the Master Emerald and the most echidna alive, his arms crossed over his chest with a grin glued to his profile. Once Shadow positions the jet above Knuckles he performs a high-flying loop-de-loop and sends it into a nose dive directly at him. Shadow jumps out of the plane and waits for the red baron to make his next move. The jet approaches at break-your-neck speeds but Knuckles is unmoved. But, once the jet is only 20 feet away from the Emerald, his eyes light up and he jumps straight into the air!

"SHOOORYUUKEN!" yells Knuckles as he power punches the pilot's plane into the stratosphere! Before it flies off into the distance, Shadow performs a sextuple backflip, taking action shots of the plane with every flip, before landing on another floating island a football stadium away from Knuckles's. Seconds later the plane explodes in the shape of Shadow and Knuckles's faces and "PARTY!" right below it. Shadow turned around on the island he stood on and cheered with the rest of his party peeps. The party had begun!

Yes, this island belongs to none other than Shadow the Hedgehog! Being the richest thing alive and the ultimate life form meant he could have the most ultimate of parties and this one is no exception. Everyone who isn't a complete loser is there and if they are there then they aren't a loser for being at the ultimate life form party. The island is filled to the brim with the ultimate swag: a massive pool the size of Hydrocity Act 1, an arcade with all the greatest Shadow games like Shadow Adventure 2 Battle, Super Shadow Brothers, The Last of Shadow, and Shadow Nukem Forever. It also had a massive drive-in movie theatre, a sports center the size of two football fields, and food as far as the eye can see in every room. It's the ultimate place for someone like Shadow the Richhog, formerly known as Shadow the Hedgehog, could live. And when he isn't on his pimp ass island he cruises around in his many private jets, planes, cars, boats, submarines, tanks, and UFOs.

"Great party Shadow!" said Tails the Prower, Sonic's best friend and smartest thing alive, walking in with a junior martini. "But we really should get going, you're going to be late!"

"Late?" questioned the richhog, "late for what? Shadow the Richhog is never late for anything!"

Tails pointed at his watch while throwing his drink off the island and into the ocean because he could. "You know, the community service thing? You have to read to the children and then you're off parole." That's right! Shadow had completely forgotten. "Let's take my plane, it's faster."

"Faster than me?! The richest thing alive!?" yelled Shadow in the purest of disgust and anguish. "I don't think so!" And with that notion he jumped off the island. Tails smirked, said goodbye to the rest of his friends and Shadow's harem of cute grills, and took his plane off the island after Shadow. He didn't have to go far; Shadow was sitting in the water pouting with his arms crossed. Tails laughed and grabbed him on his way.

"You may be the richest thing alive," chuckled Tails, "but you're not the smartest. That's my department."

Shadow goth scoffed. "Whatever. Why are you even taking me anyway? The ULTIMATE LIFE FORM can handle anything."

"Okay, I'll drop you back off then," said Tails. Shadow looked away and pouted some more. "Hah, thought so. Anyway the [REDACTED] government told you you'd have to have someone with you to serve your time right? I figure I'd help out my best buddy and take you."

"You? MY best buddy?" People's eyebrowed Shadow. "I thought you were Sonic's best friend. I heard you even yelled his name whenever you died in the past."

"Those were dark days," shuddered Tails. "And I am but people can have multiple best friends. I'm pretty sure Rouge's best friends with the entire town."

"True…" thought Shadow out loud. "Well whatever. Let's just get this over with. The faster we get this done, the faster I can finally resurrect Maria…" Tails rolled his eyes.

"You know that might not work right?" questioned Tails as they flew through the city past what looked like Shadow fighting himself. "There's no way that you can-" but Shadow cut him off by jumping in front of the plane.

"Nothing can stop the richest thing alive!" said Shadow holding onto the propeller of the plane. Tails sighed and slammed on the brakes, sending Shadow straight through the front door of the elementary school wrists first. Of course Shadow expertly landed using his face as a pole vault before flipping through the air and landing on his face again. Shadow dusted himself off and used chaos spears to pick himself up. Upon ascension he met a familiar face with ears and a poofy dress and tail.

"Hello Shadow!" said Vanilla the Rabbit, mother of Cream the Rabbit and most motherly thing alive. "Are you here to read to the kids?" Shadow thrust his change-filled hands toward the door to the classroom. Then he forced the door open and declared, "No…I'm here to save them!"

**20 minutes later…**

"WHY IS THIS SO BORING?!" screamed Shadow, throwing the children's book out the window along with the child holding it. "Is this what kids have to read in school nowadays?! School is awful!"

"Shadow…" Tails lamented, "You were reading a children's dictionary. For 5 year olds. They're 10. And you threw a kid out a window, I'm pretty sure that's violating your parole."

"That's okay," laughed Vanilla. "He's only 10, he won't remember it!"

"Whatever…" said the Darkhog. "I've got a much better idea. Gather around children, I'm gonna tell you the story of how I became the richest thing alive!" The children sighed, getting ready for another old person's story, but Tails' eyes brightened.

"GREAT IDEA!" screamed Tails a bit too excitedly. "In fact, why don't I help?" Tails ran out of the room and came back in a Super Sonic second holding what looked like an old fashioned projector with a bobble head on it. "You can use my new invention! It's a highly advanced time viewing device that goes into the mind of anyone and displays memories like movie! I call it the Backflash!"

"So the kids would see how awesome I am AND I wouldn't have to do any work?" Shadow questioned. Tails nodded like a kid who really wanted to go on an amusement park ride after being denied for 3 years because he was too short before but now was the perfect height to ride it. "Sounds okay I guess. Go ahead and do it."

"Say no more!" replied Tails, slamming the machine on the table. The plan worked out for everyone: Shadow didn't have to talk or throw children out windows, the kids got a movie day (A/N: a.k.a. best. day. EVER), Tails had some ulterior motive, and Vanilla could come and go knowing that probably responsible adults were guarding the children. Everyone except the government wins.

"Alright! Time to start the movie!" cheesed Tails hitting the big red button on the side. The lights turned on, the machine whirred to life, and the wall displayed the inner mechanisms of Shadow the Hedgehog just a few short time cycles ago. But what showed on the screen confused all but Shadow for it was cold, desolate, and filled with darkness because a few time cycles ago Shadow the Richhog was no Richhog. No, Shadow the Richhog was actually Shadow the Poorhog, the Poorest Thing Alive.

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Chapter end! Wow you actually got all the way through? Awesome, thanks for reading. That was pretty fun for me, I hope you enjoyed this prologue so far! If you did please leave a review and favorite the story for more! Thanks again for reading! Hope to see you back here next time!


	2. Chapter 1 - Most Cunning

Welcome back readers! Back for more Shadow the Hedgehog fanfiction I see? Great! I hope you enjoy this next chapter!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any Sonic the Hedgehog characters.

**Note: **While using the Backflash any dialogue and actions done by the characters in real-time when the video is not _**paused**_ will be in _Italics!_ You'll understand as it goes down.

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**Chapter 1 – A Consolation with the Most Cunning Thing Alive**

**Shadow's POV –** **A few time cycles ago**

It was a dark and desolate day. The birds were crying, the flowers were cutting themselves, the sun glared at all the stupid miserable humans in this world, and the cold disgusting snow was abhorrent. Everywhere I look I see myself battling myself. Ugh. What a terrible night. Why did all of this have to happen to me? Why was my roommate, or should I say former roommate that miserable faker, think I was so terrible? He didn't understand! No one understands! No one except Maria…

_**PAUSE**_. "Alright hold on," said Tails, pressing the buttons on his remote. "Let's not do this from your point of view."

"Hey!" demanded Shadow, "What's wrong with how I look at the world?!"

"Well nothing _now_ because you have money," complained Tails, fiddling the tech on his wrists, "but the former you was more depressing than paying a homeless man to be your friend."

"Well that's-" started Shadow but Tails continued. "And he takes all the money and doesn't become your friend." Shadow began to put up a finger but Tails continued again more. "And he takes that money and buys a lottery ticket and becomes a millionaire from it." Shadow stopped looking at him, Tails didn't even care and continued talking. "And he comes back and you think he's giving you the money you gave him but he only gives you a penny for your thoughts you terrible person."

"Tails," said Vanilla. "Please continue! I am interested in Shadow's rags to richhog story."

"Yeah yeah, I got it," said Tails, pressing the _**play**_ button.

**No one in particular's POV - A few time cycles ago**

It was a bright and sunny morning. Shadow was face first in the concrete, cracked from the ultimate life form's stubborn skull. Shadow's spare rocket shoes and hat were thrown out along with him. "Nothing personal Shadow," said Sonic the Hedgehog, the fastest thing alive. "I just can't have you drinking your own blood around the house anymore. It's grossing me and all the ladies out. Eat some real food, why don't you?" Shadow was conflicted. He could tell Sonic to FLOCK off and live his own life or confess to Sonic that as an ultimate life form he did not need sustenance but the joy of cutting himself and drinking his own blood was greater than what INTENSE HUGGING in his mouth. He opted for the former, getting him a fierce slam of the door.

"_Wait a second,"_ _questions Shadow to Tails. "Flock? HUGGING? I'd never think something so ridiculous!" _

_Tails laughs and whispers, "Oh that's just the censor I put in. I'm just testing it today."_

_Shadow frowns. "You couldn't test this on anyone else?"_

_Tails gives his best 10-year-old pout back. "You know else anyone curses confused in another state with unnecessary rude abundance?"_

"_What." responds Shadow._

"_Exactly, keep watching."_

Shadow was now walking down the street trying to understand what to do. He was out on his luck. Not a single dime to his name. All he had was his drifter hat and shoes. "Where should I go…?" asked Shadow. "The ultimate life form doesn't need his own place to stay but it would be nice to get away from all this IDIOTS on the street." One of the idiots on the street got offended and gave Shadow the finger who promptly took it off his hand and walked away.

"_Is all this violence really necessary?" says Vanilla, scared that the children would be scarred for life and causing her to lose her job. "It's okay_," _Tails says, "I have the filter on T so anything too bad will be entirely family friendly." _Then Shadow came back and took the finger, put it in a flower pot, and gave it back to the man, who promptly thanked him for it and they went on their separate ways. _"See?" says Tails._

Shadow continued to ponder about where he could go, what he could do, and what his purpose was in this world since Maria's passing. "Hmm…" thought Shadow aloud. "Perhaps I'll visit my old friend Rogue. Perhaps she'll have an idea…" And so Shadow hopped on his sick motorcycle he stole a few seconds ago by being a badass and rode down to Club Rogue, the hippest, hottest, sexiest place for those who like ogling a giant, anthropomorphic talking bat. It's also good for gambling, playing games, and drinking GRAPE JUICE but why would you go there for that? Shadow burst through the doors with his motorcycle, placing his hat and shoes on the rack, and crashed the party. Rouge the Bat, the Most Cunning Thing Alive, intercepted before Shadow could make too much trouble.

"Well well well," said Rouge, flying up to Shadow, "look what the cat dragged in. What brings you to my club, Shadow? Last I checked you said you'd rather have a party at the cemetery with Maria's skeleton than have one here." The animal of angst grimaced angrily because he did that one day and it wasn't as cool as he thought it was. _The kids all turned to Shadow. "It was ONE TIME, SHEESH," said Shadow._

"I need your help, Rouge," said Shadow.

"Oh boy," said Rouge sarcastically. "What is it this time? Eggman? Sonic? _Metal_ Sonic? Or is it some dark entity that we have to yet again fight for no reason."

"None of the above," responded Shadow. "I need help finding out about purpose. I just don't feel like I-"

"Oh, this again?" responded Rouge. "What's wrong? I thought you enjoyed being considered the edgiest thing alive. How did you phrase it? Oh yeah, that 'darkness and sorrow is WHO I AM' or something like that."

"Oh darkness and sorrow are great for others," said Shadow, "but I'm looking to do something else. Sorrow doesn't keep hobos from trying to steal your stuff or pay the bills."

"Not the way I use it," said Rouge, winking at the camera? "But you make a good point. Well if you're worried about money, why not get a job?"

"That's it!" shouted Shadow. "I'll get a job! No wait! I'll become rich! No wait! Even better! I'll become the richest thing alive and then nothing can stop me!"

"Well that's not where I was going but alright!" encouraged the booby bat with enthusiastic bouncing. "So how do you plan on doing THAT? No offense but you're not exactly the friendliest thing alive. I think that title belongs to Cream." _Vanilla smiled and commented, "A title passed down from generation to generation."_

"Hey!" Shadow contended. "I am _plenty_ friendly, miss The Bat! I can get a job no problem!"

"Shadow," Rouge recalled, "some number of time cycles ago you kicked a rock into an orphanage and exploded it." _**PAUSE**_.

"Oh yeah! I remember that story!" Tails mentions excitedly. "Apparently your kick was filled with _so much angst_ that the rock gained life, _hated_ its new life, and decided to end it and as many lives as it could by mutating its own molecular structure into that of a small atom bomb _all within a second! _I'm the Smartest Thing Alive and I _still_ can't figure out how you did that, Shadow!"

"Oh my!" gasps Vanilla. "Is that why you're on parole?"

"No…" dramatizes Shadow, closing his eyes and tilting his head down, letting the natural room wind fly through his raven quills. "It's much worse…it was…_jay walking_!" All of the kids scream and cry in horror! One of the children screams "bloody murder!" and runs out the window, those with weak stomachs faint, and the fat bald kid with the pointy mustache sheds a tear at the evil spirit that must have possessed our hero to commit such a heinous crime. "But that's not all of it…" continued Shadow, another gust of room wind making its way through his crow-like hedgehog hair. "I was jay walking…while _littering_!" Classroom wide panic became anarchy as the kids began to tear their hair out to get to their brains to rip the horrid image of such an utterly reprehensible violation of human rights out of their heads.

"Uh," noised Tails, "should we be doing something about this?!" Vanilla nodded and threw them all candy which thankfully went directly into their mouths due to them being open from the screaming in pain and agony. Within seconds, the candy calmed the children and they all sat back in their seats, minus the ones who had fainted which Vanilla plopped back into their chairs for now. "H-how did you-?" questioned the Two-Tailed Fox before Vanilla cut him off. "I'm a teacher! I can do anything with kids." Tails didn't question any further and pressed _**play**_.

"Whatever, they had it coming," confessed Shadow. "They wouldn't let me play their games…now they're be playing their games in HELLO KITTY MAGICAL FUN LAND!"

_Shadow frowned and commented, "This censor is awful! That didn't sync up with my lips at all!" Tails shrugged. Shadow crossed his arms and pouted._

"Riiiiight," eye-rolled Rouge. "Well you won't get a job with that attitude. You're going to need something special about you that sets you aside from the rest."

The ultimate life form smirked. "Are you kidding? I'm the ultimate life form! What more does anyone need?"

"A bit of personality other than pride, sorrow, and rage for one," laughed Rouge. "Which I'll be honest I'm not sure how you managed to roll that all into one character." Shadow delivered a rage-sorrow combo-filled glare at the club owner. "See, that's what I'm talking about. No offense but if you skated up to an employer instead of saying 'I want to hire this person' they'd say 'dear god get this mass murderer away from me before he makes me think about how sad my life is'."

"Hmph!" hmphed Shadow. "I can get a job no problem! You'll see!"

It was at that moment that a plan hatched in the Cunningest Thing Alive's big bountiful brain. "Oh? Is that so?" Rouge inquired slyly. "Care to put your money where your mouth is?"

"Don't be stupid," voiced Shadow. "I have no money."

Rouge sighed and responded, "Let's have a bet then. I bet you can't become the Richest Thing Alive by the end of tomorrow!"

"Tomorrow?!"

"Oh? Is that too soon? I figured the _ultimate life form_ could do _anything_."

"I can!"

"Then prove it!"

"Fine! I will!" yelled Shadow, pointing his finger to the depths of hell. "And after everyone sees what the ultimate life form can do by winning your bet, you'll have to be my personal maid for my ultimate mansion!"

"Oh is that all?" taunted Rouge. "Fine by me. But if I win, not only do you have to work for me here at the club but as my personal assistant when I go jewel hunting! How's _that_?"

"You're on, batgirl! You're OOOONNNNNN! Today is the day I put the past behind me!"

"Yeaaaah! Let's drink to putting the past behind you!" yelled Rouge, pouring some GRAPE JUICE into a few glasses.

"I'll stop anyone who tries to get in my way!"

"Wooo! Let's drink to stopping anyone who gets in your way!" said Rouge, presenting the glass to Shadow.

"This'll be like taking candy from a baby, which is fine by me!"

"Okay…not sure I'll drink to that but I'll certainly watch!" mentioned Rouge, putting the glass on Shadow's nose.

"These humans. They don't value life. They're going to pay, pay with their lives for-"

"Drink the DANG TASTY BEVERAGE Shadow." said the ample agitated animal. Shadow took the glass from his nose and inhaled its contents.

"Uuugh, I refuse! Besides it's the middle of the morning! Who'd be drinking at a time like this?"

"Well, for one, it's always night time at this club. In case you couldn't tell. Just look outside." Sure enough, Shadow cast his head out the window and the club was surrounded in a cool aura of darkness. "For two, what's _that_ matter? Everyone else is having a good time, you should too!"

"The ultimate life form doesn't have a good time!" said the saucy sassy shadowy soul. "Especially not with these humans or with your worthless drinks."

"C'moooon," peer pressured Rouge. "Is the ultimate life form too _scared_ to try an itty bitty adult drink? If you can't do this there's no way you can make it in the _real _world."

"Gimme that!" Shadow snapped, snatching the bottle from the table. "I'll show you! THIS IS WHO I AM!" and with that he downed the entire bottle of GRAPE JUICE. Then _**-KCHHHHSSZZZTTT-**_

"Woah what happened?" asks Vanilla. "Did your machine stop working?"

"Well I'm guessing Shadow can't handle his alcohol," deduces the brilliant boy. "And since this machine goes off his memories, anything he can't remember I can't show. Guess I know what to fix later…"

"Hmph!" hmphs Shadow.

"Ugh, how long were you blacked out, Shadow?" grunts Tails while taking a screwdriver to the machine. "Oh wait, don't answer that, you probably don't remember."

"I do remember, fool!" taunts Shadow. "I remember going to Angel Island to see Knuckles. Everything else is a blur."

"Alright…" sighed Tails. "Well, that's no big deal. I'll see if I can't get that memory from Rouge later for another test. In the meantime, I'll fast forward until we get through to a clear memory." And so Tails did, fast forwarding through a mostly black screen though a few highlights included Shadow dancing the cha-cha, singing the My Little Pony theme song with the other bartenders, and getting kicked out of the club for public indecency after he took off his shoes. It was a morning to remember! Except for Shadow who barely remembered it.

**_PLAY_**. Shadow was thrown into the hard stone again for the second time today. He pulled his head out of the ground and gazed upon the source of light in front of him, the all powerful Master Emerald. "Where…?" Shadow began before a familiar face sat down next to him, crossed his arms, and donned his trademark frown.

"Oh, not you…"

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

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Wooo! Another chapter down, much longer than I expected. I hope you enjoyed everyone! Stay tuned for the next thrilling saga where Shadow discovers inner peace or honor or some important value that I haven't ironed out yet!


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